Your Kiss Only Band-Aid's My Deeper Desire...

Deeper. It's deeper. This desire. This desire of what I want in life. I want to swim in the stream. I want to be as one making life better for all that I encounter. I want to be a beacon of love amongst a world of self-centered chattering. I want to say 'Fuck You' to those that say things can't change... things won't change. But then I'm back on the gamut realizing that saying Fuck You to anybody doesn't really convey love and in that realizing that love means everything. Absorbing the punches. Which is the true strength of love. I wanted to write that I understood love, but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand it. Love seeks the better of the other. It does not compete. It fights, but it does not compete. Oh, how I want to fight. It fights for what's bigger than the self. It fights for what's true and it fights for what is best.

Simplicity with Honesty. Can I have that? What else? True life? It seems so distant now. I best should just crawl under the blanket of voices that meet me where I'm at. Ray LaMontagne... where you at? John Mayer... I''m there with you and my man... Dave.

"You will shelter me... my love. And I... I will shelter you..."

"Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees"

"But my faith has got me bound to your grey blue eyes "

Beauty... us guys cannot escape it. We are drawn to it. Captivated by it. It draws something out of us. It makes us want to be better. It makes us stumble and make a fool out of ourselves. The crown of creation is a woman. But will the crown quench my deeper desire...

Pounding Triangles Into Squares?

Am I trying to create something? Manufacture it? Should I even foster the creation of a relationship? Should I push it along or should I just let something happen? What does letting something happen even look like really? Am I not supposed to take the bull by the horns and charge ahead rapidly?

I guess the main concern is that I would try to pound a triangle block into a hole fit for a square. Have I been doing that my whole life? Is that why certain relationships fail? Do we try to pound triangles into squares? Will there ever be a perfect fit or just the closest match?

Some advice that I was given recently and a critique on me has been that, in relationships, I just want to know if things will work so soon that I sometimes come across as too persistent to know the other person too quick. I guess that would be by asking too many questions too soon and just not letting things happen naturally. Maybe I do do that, but is it a bad thing? I mean why wouldn't somebody want to know as much as they could know to see if there's any reason to pursue anything more?

Relational bonding can happen even if there are not that many commonalities with the other person, and one of the main relational glues is time spent with one another. So, why invest that time... why do that if you can find out sooner rather than later if things are going to work out? The only reason why you wouldn't do that is because you can't. Even though you think you may know what you need to know, you have your bulleted list of qualities the other person should meet, there is still so much that you don't know that needs to come with time and time spent together... walking together, talking together, sharing casually, learning, discovering, caring, and eventually loving.

I think in our saturated material world we get confused on the most precious gifts that are unseen such as these things I just listed. Make no mistake they are gifts and mature gifts are bestowed upon one another when a certain level of trust has been established, and trust takes time. A willingness to trust too soon is unhealthy. Of course each person has a certain level of depth that he or she is comfortable with, but in giving yourself to the other person quickly you are stating that your own personal gifts are not that valuable. They must be earned by the other over time. Microwaved relationships can flare up and be the most exciting thing that has ever happened, but it also gets cool quickly and really doesn't taste as good as something cooked in the oven. The oven is always better than the microwave, but we may think we don't have the time for the long and slower process (I'm not even going to get into the GE 3 type of heat oven that can cook a turkey in 20 minutes... freaking G.E. - my analogy would've been flawless if it weren't for them).

Questions need to be answered through the hallways of life. How does the other person handle it when your sad? What unknown expectations are being placed on you? How do we treat each other in a fight? Is this person kind... no matter what? Do they bring you up or bring you down? Can you handle each other's faults? Is the man really a man or is he just an older boy?

Try as we might, that kind of knowledge will not come unless it is tested by the seas of life. Then you may know if you are trying to pound triangles into holes fit for squares.

Check Out Some New Cam Pics!

Merry Belated Christmas from Cammy Claus!

Riding the Bus... Check out the sweet Band-aid!

My tower rocks your socks!

Check me out writing my name!

Hugs for all!

I love playing with all my friends...