I Want it! I Need it!
Today I had a thought. It was a quite simple thought, I realized, but oh how sometimes the simple things are what escapes me so much, but, yet, are so beneficial. Lately, I've been burdened with a lot of anxiety about a certain area of my life. It's been manageable at times and it's been pretty frustrating and draining as well.What I realized though was that whenever I want something... whenever I may think I need something I get anxious when I don't see myself attaining this 'thing'. And now that I think about this more I wonder if this is what makes me rush into things too quick. I mean the more I work towards something, a personal goal or relationship I will be more invested and want it even more. Which means if I work so hard to attain this and invest myself so much into something I will be crushed if, in the end, I don't get it. Therefore, I may latch on too quickly. I also may give up too quickly on a personal goal. Yes, I may even procrastinate.
One thing that helps is learning to free myself from these things that I think I want. To do this I usually can't just say that it doesn't matter. I need to refocus on what does matter. Lately, I've been trying to refocus on God. I've been trying to understand that, as Larry Crabb has said in his book Inside Out, our critical needs are met through God.
However, I think there is also situations that I need to learn to be patient and not rush things and wait. A beautiful excerpt on waiting from "The Journey of Desire" By John Eldredge helps when it states:
To wait is to learn the spiritual grace of detachment, the freedom of desire. Not the absence of desire, but desire at rest. St. John of the Cross lamented that “the desires weary and fatigue the soul; for they are like restless and discontented children, who are ever demanding this or that from their mother, and are never contented.” Detachment is coming to the place where those demanding children are at peace. As King David said, “I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me” (Ps. 131:2). Such a beautiful picture, a young one leaning against her mother’s breast. There is no fussing, no insistent tears.
She has learned to wait. The word detachment might evoke wrong impressions. It is not a cold and indifferent attitude; not at all. May writes, “An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire.” Instead, it “aims at correcting one’s own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God.”
As Thomas à Kempis declared, “Wait a little while, O my soul, wait for the divine promise, and thou shalt have abundance of all good things in heaven.” In this posture we discover that, indeed, we are expanded by longing. Something grows in us, a capacity if you will, for life and love and God. I think of Romans 8:24–25: “That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy” (The Message). There is actually a sweet pain in longing, if we will let it draw our hearts homeward.
(The Journey of Desire , 185–87)
And that's where I think I'm at now. The Next time I find myself rushing into things I will try to discern why I'm rushing and then slow down. Next time I'm anxious I will try and identify what want or supposed need is wrestling with my soul and refocus back to what matters. Then, my heart will find a nice pillow of peace to rest upon.Labels: Thoughts
posted by - Justin at Thursday, February 08, 2007
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