Have Your Mountains Moved?

So just a quick thought for today. I was listening to a CD today and one of the songs was totally into it. The person was singing her heart out that if she believed she could move mountains she could. She was so excited about it too. It was a total get your body moving praise song. But it dawned on me today. I hear all these songs about the mountains that are going to move, but I hardly ever hear any follow up songs saying that the mountains did move. I mean what the heck is going on here? We sing that these mountains are going to move and get ourselves worked up by the promises of Jesus and then we go out and try to move these mountains and what happens? Why justifies a mountain? Seriously, what are the mountains in your life that Jesus said he can move? Are His mountains your mountains? After the mountain is moved do we even think that they were mountains? Do we even think God even helped? I can see it being dangerous that we don't even give the credit to God, because after a mountain is "moved" we can totally play it back in our head that is was just circumstance and God didn't really play too much of a part it in it.

So going forward I've gotta try and identify my mountains. I don't have a wife any more so they couldn't be those mountains... shoot - gotta think harder. Ok so my mountains must be the things that I feel is impossible for me to change in myself these days. Simply, this just would be me. My mountain is myself. I need to be moved... closer to Jesus. Getting more granular though what do I need moved in me to make me more near Him? Is it my lack of discipline? Do I need 3 things to focus on? Does the 3 things even work? I wrote the other day that if I had less interruptions at work I could really get some work done. Then I went on to say that if life had less interruptions then I could really get life done. However, life may consist of a bunch of interruptions compiled together. So, maybe I need to have the things I focus on, but allow the interruptions that matter. More on this later. My mountain that needs to move is my inability to "stick" to something. I need to stick to God. I need to not allow any more interruptions come into my life. That's my mountain. Now. God. Will you move it?

Today Is The Day...

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Hunger For More Than Food...

Today I fasted for the most part. I was thinking that I would fast until Friday at lunch, but I couldn't make it past tonight. I don't know why. I think the hardest part is giving Cam dinner and then saying no to myself. The hunger pangs were great. I got the carrots out and the ranch dressing. I said to myself "Really, what is the reason you are fasting." and I answered myself "I don't know. Maybe to lose weight?" Then I gave in. So really, now that I'm full I can't say all of it was to lose weight. I think that's a given bonus, but today I need to feel closer to Jesus. I needed to be reminded of Him all day. Fasting does that. I haven't fasted longer than 48 hours in my life. I really wonder what a 40 day fast would be like. I know 40 days is what Jesus did and the same with Ezekiel right? Or was it Isaiah? Anyway, today I was able to think of Jesus and the reason as to why I'm going through these trials lately. I think I need to focus on Him and really get myself centered as He is the most important relationship that I have. Often times I don't treat God like that though. I treat him as a backburner type of guy and if it doesn't work out with this other shiny relationship I can go back to Him. It gets more dangerous as you get older, because relationships last longer typically. Maybe I'm lucky I'm getting a divorce and the wife wanted to leave, because maybe I wouldn't have gone back to God without her leaving and clawing into me a deep gash of emotional pain? In the end if we wouldn't have been able to share Jesus with each other we wouldn't have been the closest we could be. I truly want to be in a relationship with somebody where I can down around in the Spirit together and it just be right. But I think I need to find myself first. I need to know who I am and be able to be disciplined and stick to a plan. I need to walk rightly with God for an extended amount of time, in silence, and let me grow my dependence on Him. That one relationship where I can be co-dependent and it be OK I think. At least I think so. Oh, what do I know.

Learning The Words...

Lately it's been pretty frustrating being a dad. Cameron is a little over two now (Bday 8.19.03), but doesn't talk that much. Divorce can affect kids linguistically and pottypistically - meaning that certain kids Cam's age that are potty trained lose it and regress to diapers. Cam never really said much before Sarah left. He did say momma a lot, but that was his only word. After Sarah moved out he stopped saying momma. It was a whole month before he said another word which was Dada. He now says dada and momma, but not in addressing either of us. It's basically a response to my request.
So, it's getting frustrating not being able to communicate with Cam. I so want to be able to talk to him and use words and explain our days to each other and get him to grasp the deep recesses of the trinity, but he just won't get there soon enough! I mean c'mon he should have his own Blog already right!?! How's he going to get ahead in this world. Anyway, I know that certain kids have their own timeline for speaking. It's just frustrating for both of us now. He really really wants something and doesn't know how to ask for it. Typically, he'll resort to using some sort of whining sound. I think I'm pretty good at picking up on what he wants so in the recent past I've just been getting the stuff that he wants when he uses his whine sound.
Sunday I turned the corner. I no longer want to just get it for him without him attempting to speak what he wants. I think more and more it's frustration that will teach Cam to speak. I need to bring him to those points where he's willing to push through being uncomfortable and being set in his ways of whine - Where he gets to the lowest point of drab and sees that if he would learn to speak, if he would learn to ask for something then he could have it.
Then I came to the point of wondering how God relates to us or should I say how we relate to God. He says that if we ask for things in His will we can have them. Why do we not have? Because we do not ask says the book of James. Therefore, I wonder if God waits to gives us the things we truly want, because he's being patient with us, wanting us to learn and teaching us how to ask. Teaching us the words to use to ask. Cam can come to me and whine and I will comfort him, but I won't give him what he wants until he tries to speak and use the words for what it is he wants. God, then, comforts us while we learn to speak. While our hearts our molded into His perfect will.