Hunger For More Than Food...

Today I fasted for the most part. I was thinking that I would fast until Friday at lunch, but I couldn't make it past tonight. I don't know why. I think the hardest part is giving Cam dinner and then saying no to myself. The hunger pangs were great. I got the carrots out and the ranch dressing. I said to myself "Really, what is the reason you are fasting." and I answered myself "I don't know. Maybe to lose weight?" Then I gave in. So really, now that I'm full I can't say all of it was to lose weight. I think that's a given bonus, but today I need to feel closer to Jesus. I needed to be reminded of Him all day. Fasting does that. I haven't fasted longer than 48 hours in my life. I really wonder what a 40 day fast would be like. I know 40 days is what Jesus did and the same with Ezekiel right? Or was it Isaiah? Anyway, today I was able to think of Jesus and the reason as to why I'm going through these trials lately. I think I need to focus on Him and really get myself centered as He is the most important relationship that I have. Often times I don't treat God like that though. I treat him as a backburner type of guy and if it doesn't work out with this other shiny relationship I can go back to Him. It gets more dangerous as you get older, because relationships last longer typically. Maybe I'm lucky I'm getting a divorce and the wife wanted to leave, because maybe I wouldn't have gone back to God without her leaving and clawing into me a deep gash of emotional pain? In the end if we wouldn't have been able to share Jesus with each other we wouldn't have been the closest we could be. I truly want to be in a relationship with somebody where I can down around in the Spirit together and it just be right. But I think I need to find myself first. I need to know who I am and be able to be disciplined and stick to a plan. I need to walk rightly with God for an extended amount of time, in silence, and let me grow my dependence on Him. That one relationship where I can be co-dependent and it be OK I think. At least I think so. Oh, what do I know.