In The Flow...

So I got some advice to just write and flow and all that. I guess that's what I'll do since I don't have too much to say today. Or at least nothing with a direct point or meaning. I haven't kept up with this blog daily (as I said in my first post!), but maybe I will. I don't know though.
Issues affecting me lately:

1) The former wife:
How bout everybody vote. The former moved out of the house on 7/21/05. She didn't have to, but she did because she was uncomfortable. She now thinks that it's my fault for her not seeing our son. She's seen him about 3 times in the last couple of months. She says that it's my responsibility to bring our son to her apartment. I disagree with him going there because (a) I've never seen the place and it's a one bedroom apartment (she's not on the lease) and (b) I hear that it's bad for kids to see their parents with a significant other "too soon" after a divorce. One book I read said that whatever you do do it slowly and let the kids get acclimated slowly. So, my thinking is that I would like to prevent Cam from being over there, because the former is living with another male and I would like to err on the side of caution. Once he's scarred, if it happens, he's scarred and there's nothing either of us can do about it. Her reasoning is that she doesn't think it will happen. She won't admit there's a chance - at least it won't come out of her mouth. So, I try to get her over to the house to see Cam. Also, I've offered to make her dad's place as a meeting area. She says that I'm keeping him from her and not giving any options. What does everybody think? Am I doing the good thing or wrong thing?

2) The current job:
Ugh. I have manager trouble. This is the first time in a while where I've been micro-managed to the point of annoyance. I don't get it. Plus, my manager just doesn't get it. He doesn't have any good ideas on how to improve things and just likes to keep it status quo. I get annoyed with status quo, because things can always improve and we should always be evaluating ourselves and processes that we do for something better and more efficient.

3) The added stuff I have to do:
Lately I'm just frustrated with monotony. I know God finds joy in monotony and that's what I need to do, but lately I admit it's been difficult. I have dishes in the sink from Sunday still that I need to clean. I probably will tonight. I think I may be bummed, because after I put Cam to bed then work on chores the clock is already @ 9pm and I only have about an hour or so before I need to get to bed. I need to adopt a system. I will set a goal. Okay lets see it's 9/28/2005 and by 10/28/2005 I will have a system in place for my stuff. Notably I will:
1) Organize my pantry with the www.livingcookbook.com software (it's great)
2) Manage the chores to do with this chore software I've found (forgot the title, but if your interested I'll update this later with it)
3) Get the Bills in order using MS Money 2006

It will be nice when winter comes, because I won't have the stress of mowing the lawn... Not that it's been done in a few weeks. I just won't have the stress ;-)

Ok I think that's a good post for now. My thoughts and feelings are out... At least the ones I want to be out are out.

Cheating on God

I was thinking tonight about relationships. I was thinking about my marriage or so called previous marriage. It's almost finalized...The divorce that is.

Anyway when two people are married it's considered a "big thing" to cheat on the other person. I would defined cheating by one person physically or emotionally bonding with another person so much so that the bond prevails over the marriage bond or creates a double-bond. And it got me thinking. While in my marriage I considered it not an alternative to cheat on my wife. It was ruled out. Tonight I asked myself if my wife had come to me and said "Hey, just so you know if you cheat on me physically with another woman I'll still be your wife. I'll still stay married to you, love you deeply, pursue you as my lover and give all of me to you. You will still have ownership of my body. When I think of you I will only have thoughts of love and deep passion running through me. You, no matter what, will always be the apple of my eye." So, for a moment I pondered this question. If my wife had said this to me would it have enabled me or made me think it easier to cheat on her? Would it have geared me take an opportunity if it arose? And the answer came like a lightning bolt - God No I said! If my wife had come to me and said this it would've made me not want to cheat on her even more! She would've drawn a picture of the grace she had for me even before I did anything wrong! It made me desire her more.
So then I thought, man, God says the same thing to us. He says that we will always be the apple of His eye no matter what other thing we cheat on Him with. And we do cheat. So how come I don't feel that same desire for God that I would for my wife? And I think it's because I don't this way enough. I don't think in this context. I should though. Each day I should hear Jesus saying "Justin, whatever you do for today do it for others. Go out and live free, and an example of your freedom will be your love. You won't be bound by the selfish desires that run rampant in this society, but if you do, if your selfish nature kicks up and you choose something else over me, come back. I will be waiting for you. My grace is sufficient for you.
And in this way of thinking. I never want to let Jesus down. Two natures warring together. Little by little we let one get bigger and the other smaller. Just like the cheat or affair is built up over time with innocent nuances so is the mending we are doing with God. Which one am I feeding; Which one are you feeding?

Curtains Pulled Back...

OK um... yeah. This would be my first blog posting. Not sure why I'm doing this, but I guess my friend Kristen just got me hooked. I couldn't help reading other blogs today and found it interesting and the sites that I usually visit have been lacking lately. So I need some new sites and thought I'd contribute... if that's at all possible.

Anyway, I guess we'll just see where this goes. I've never been really good about updating something that much. I'm a single dad now which is new and recent and a divorced type of person which is new, unwanted and recent. In the end it's for the best right? Ha! We will see. Who knows what's best but God, in the end. There's a time to tear down and a time to build. It's funny that sometimes these times go hand in hand for different areas of our lives. Right now I'm tearing down my relationship with my former wife, Sarah, (she still is my wife, I would say till the courts finalize it), but trying to build a stable one up with Cameron, my son, and me. He is a great thing. His personality amazes me everyday. But so many parents get on this kid kick. Is wrong to not want to do that? Maybe I'll get him to start a blog as soon as he can type so that he can share his thoughts and feelings with the world as well. Somehow I feel, though, that he may just want to beat the keyboard.

Anyway, I'll finish this post now with nothing too amazing to share. I just gotta get it up there.