When Temptation Comes

When temptation comes, it seizes my mind and takes it on a walk down a street I said before I did not want to go.

With Temptation, hand in hand walking, I turn; looking back on Christ’s glow and the spiritual inner essence of his presence and beauty, the glow starts to fade... dimmer... yet dimmer still.

Then, my head comes back around; I realize that temptation has walked me up to its open and welcoming door.

Voices start moving through my head. First, the Spirit, a silent whisper, "You probably shouldn't be doing this, you can stop this you know. My beauty is better than this.” Then the Flesh, "There is no adrenaline rush, no excitement, no pleasure like this back there. This, right here right now, is what you really want to be doing. You never really understood the whole cake and eat it thing anyway. Why can't you have your cake and eat it too? After all, you have grace right? You can ask for forgiveness afterwards right? So then why not indulge and lean on that later?"

I know the Spirit is right; I have agreed with it in so many other forums before. However, now..., at this point, without praising voices warming over me I am tested. My choice is made by the silence I keep. I Yield to one by dismissing the other: The Spirit's whisper trails off into the back of my mind as I let the Flesh take over.

With one foot already in the air, my body moves through that threshold. Nevertheless, it is not a doorway that my whole self can walk through. No, I must bow. I bow so that I can fit through this door. Still, it is not an easy fit. Something in me is mangled while I contort myself; make myself smaller to crawl through this threshold.

The Spirit cannot fit through that door. The Spirit will not go with me. Moreover, I am left on the other side clinging to that which I thought would give me such pleasure, such joy. However, the pleasure is only sustained as long as the action is sustained and the mind captivated, and the pleasures on that side of temptations door cannot be sustained for very long. They are like cheap fast food and throw away lottery tickets. Gone... in a moment.

If I am lucky, I turn back, search for the doorway I entered through, and realize now how dark temptations room is. A warm bright light is on the other side. I start to crawl towards that light. I am met at the door by the one called the Accuser. The liar of all liars stands by waiting like a bouncer at a club. I can see his gaze as I start to approach. That stare in his eyes forces me to look away. "You don't think you're going through here do you? You have been through this door already before only to return. Why not just stay here? This is where you belong. Sure, pray for forgiveness but stay right here. Even so, you have prayed that prayer before - you know Christ has forgiven you already; do you really need to ask again? You ask so much why do you cheapen His grace? Maybe it is better for you not to ask and not to use His grace this time. Maybe it's good for you to just think on this for awhile and not make a decision now."

This placidness has rotten me to the bone. Tears pool at the bottom of my eyes. Truth shoots through me like a jolt and shocks me out of my slumber. Out of my mouth at the top of my lungs, I yell "Be Gone…, Away from me!" I cry out. "This isn't the way to live it is the way to die!" The accuser leaves for he cannot stand the truth that there is one better than he is. The doorway now unguarded, light shining as a warm blanket welcomes me as I crawl through it. On my knees already, I cry out to The One. "Save me Lord, save me from this wretched cursed flesh. Save me from this pattern of life to death to life to death keeping me immature in spirit."

I hear three words back at me:

Humility
Spirituality
Faithfulness

Originally heard by Ravi Zacharias, they are more pungent now. For it is by humility that I tell the flesh it does not have what I want. It is through the spirit I live so I do not gratify the desires of the flesh and it is by faithfulness that I believe, even through the pain of denying myself pleasure, Jesus is the only way to life.