Purpose Revealed...

Recently, I kept having this memory pop up of my younger years. My family and I were still living in California at the time and I was young. In fact, I think I was about Cam’s age currently – 4.5 years old.


Anyway, it was a Saturday or something and my dad was the only parent home. He had put me down for a nap, but I really was not that tired and certainly did not want to take a nap. After laying in bed for what I thought was a good few minutes I had the bright idea to get up and walk out to where my dad was sitting watching TV or something and act like I had just gotten up.

The memory has been etched into my mind. As I turned the corner to enter the room my dad was in, utilizing my best acting skills, I gave a big yawn, like I had just gotten up. My dad, however, did not fall for it, he took one look at me and was enraged. In fact, I remember it being more like an instant reaction; He didn’t even seem to think about it. He shot out of his chair in a full on house sprint, chasing me down the hall. And when I was cornered, with no room left to run, he caught me and delivered a huge spanking right from his hand. No words. No sentences. No explanation. No direction. Just... pain.

Most of this memory is a blur. The main thing I remember is my father being so angry and me being so surprised at his action/re-action. I remember being scared. I remember being alone like something was not right, but not being able to do anything about it. I was completely powerless. I was left to answer my own question. Supposedly, a young, 4.5 year old little boy who somehow messed up and deserved to be spanked, but did not know why.

So, fast forward to now. This memory kept coming up and just wouldn’t leave me. I wondered why and I wondered how I was going to get through it. I mean, I say I’ve forgiven my dad for my father wound, but this… this felt different.

Recently, I think I may have been given a glimpse to an answer. A couple weeks ago it was Saturday and I was putting Cam down for a nap. Cam usually takes good naps, but sometimes gets up from them. On this day I think he had gotten up one once already. Then, it happened.

Almost exactly as I remember it for myself, Cam came out of his room. As he entered the room I was in, the telltale signs of faking sleepiness were on him. And then he said in his best after nap happy voice “Hi, daddy!”

And at that moment, fast like lightning but subtle and calming like a gentle breeze, it hit me. I remembered... I smiled...

I walked over and gently picked him up in my arms and held him tight. I whispered into his ear that I loved him, but that he needed to take a rest. I walked him back to his room and laid him into bed.

I made… what once was wrong... right.

He didn’t get up again. He went to sleep peacefully knowing that his dad loved him. He wasn’t scared or alone and our relationship was still strong after he woke up. He still had the happy “Hi daddy!” after he got up.

Thank you God for purpose behind pain. With the same set of circumstances, I could've acted like my dad did. I could’ve treated Cam like my father treated me.

So thank you God for chances to turn corners and set lives in new and crazy directions, for the power of a life raised without unnecessary fear, could lead to great things…

-J